Keeping Peace is More Important Than Being Right by Joy A. Mead
“Woof!”
I was getting into bed after a busy day and very much looking forward to resting peacefully.
“Woof! Woof, woof!”
Living in Greater London in a semi-detached house, it is common to hear noise and clatter through the shared wall with our neighbors. However, the increased barks of next door’s cute-but-often-noisy golden retriever were becoming a disturbance.
“Woof! Woof, woof—Woof!”
Lying awake for an hour, my patience was wearing thin. This wasn’t the first time that my family had been disturbed by recurrent barking yet, up to this point, we had not mentioned our interrupted rest with our neighbors. Occasionally, I felt like saying something, but how was I supposed to address such an awkward issue when I attended the same women’s Bible study as the wife and the dog was treated as their third child? I suppressed my frustrations and tried to tolerate the unwanted noise.
“Woof! Woof, woof—Woof! Woof, woof!”
Now after midnight, my body was on edge with continual barking and I snapped! I sent a text message to our neighbor, saying that we couldn’t sleep and asking what could be done to settle their dog. She came back immediately to apologize for disturbing us and that her husband was away on business, causing their dog great distress. Thankfully, our children never woke up, and eventually, my husband and I dozed off.
I awoke grumpily and unleashed a strong response to our neighbor, upset not only at last night’s disturbance but at the daily disruption of barking lately. I was only trying to express how I had been feeling for months now, but from my neighbor’s perspective, this was the first time hearing of my frustration.
Instantly after sending the text message, I felt regret. My lack of sleep, pent up anger, and accumulated irritation at their dog had spilled out of me like a toxic poison. A quick reply acknowledged my message and gave assurance of a better night. Though I shouldn’t have, I sent one more message, communicating that I felt this was becoming an ongoing issue with their dog. Then communication went silent without reply.
The next days flew by with my daughter’s ballet performances all weekend. Between rehearsals and shows, I was focused on keeping our family eating regular meals, helping everyone stay on schedule, and getting consistent rest. The barking significantly reduced, and being busy, I briefly dismissed the awkward situation.
By the last ballet show, I was sitting in my seat when a text message popped up. My neighbor’s lengthy expression of her side of the situation explained how my words had hurt her. The last performance was tainted with my distracted thoughts of irritation toward myself, that even with genuine frustrations, I had foolishly handled my words and actions.
Mending a relationship conflict was the last thing I felt like doing after a whirlwind weekend, but I knew I needed to address the friction immediately. Humbly, I send a concise message of apology, asking my neighbor’s forgiveness for the terrible way I had handled the situation and my insensitivity to her feelings. Graciously, she accepted my apology and forgave me.
The very next morning, we were both due to attend the same women’s gathering. Before joining the others, we exchanged in-person apologies and each of us chose forgiveness over harboring grudges. I’m pleased to say that we each felt a weight lifted off us as we entered our women’s gathering with more peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV) says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Bearing with one another in love means tolerating each other, with the help of the Holy Spirit. Although I was the one upset about the barking, the neighbors might equally be irritated when, at times, our children are raising their voices too loudly. We should seek God’s guidance before bringing an issue up for discussion.
Being humble, gentle, and patient means considering what I allow myself to get frustrated at, remembering that I’m an imperfect person just like everyone else. Keeping unity and peace looks like gently addressing any issues before they become big problems. We all get angry occasionally, but we must strive toward expressing this emotion with self-control in how we present it to others.
Whether it be at home, work, church, or school, conflicts and how we deal with them are a regular part of life. As Christians, we should ask ourselves, “Will we deal with conflict by stressing our point to be deemed right, or will we humble ourselves to try understanding the other’s perspective and work toward keeping peace?” Jesus desires us to handle conflict with the goal of bringing about peace, which is truly more important than being right.
May we humbly try to see both perspectives of an argument. Instead of harboring negative feelings, let’s ask the Holy Spirit to help us speak out honestly in a loving way. May we aim to prioritize keeping the peace whenever conflict arises. And when we are tempted to think we are the blameless ones, let us remember God’s unconditional love and grace that saved us while we were still sinners and humbly handle our everyday conflicts with an overflowing of that same supernatural love and grace.