The One Thing Mothers Must Never Forget by Theresa Miller
She runs past me, flaring her arms all wild, not wanting me to pull her in close after a day of kindergarten. I know how much she needs me by nightfall and struggles to leave me shortly after dawn, and it’s this dance between knowing when to pull her in and when to give her space.
After nudging my daughter into the classroom the next morning, I return to my SUV and weep the whole way home. I weep because I am more concerned about the teacher’s opinion than my daughter’s struggle. I want her to be independent, not overly attached to me, and it strikes me that this is how I am unintentionally training her day after day—that needing her mom is a weakness and being independent of her mom is a strength.
At this moment, I wonder how often I miss the mark. Could unnoticed red flags be signaling me of a sudden demand for compliance that frustrates her, or another nudge into the classroom that forces her to let go sooner than she is ready? How has being on time, filling our schedules, and never inconveniencing anyone become more important than a teachable moment, discipline, or paying attention to a child’s struggle—to their heart?
Can you relate to this dance of drawing in and letting go? Although our children can be fiercely independent, blossoming into their own people, they need us. They are still children and we are their mothers. I believe God esteems a mother’s role as eternal work—a servant to the needy, a shepherd to her flock, and Jesus to her children.
Who else to better teach a child about the woman or man she/he is slowly becoming? Who else to more genuinely show them how cherished and loved they are? Who else to better make them feel worthy, heard, and seen? Who else is meant to hold a child’s heart like that of a parent?
When we continually push our children—into the classroom, onto the soccer field, into the ballet room, off our laps, and out of our conversations—their hearts inevitably go with them.
The one thing we mothers must never forget is that we have our children’s hearts and must do what it takes to keep them.
When a child is emotionally unavailable, it is our responsibility to pay attention and carefully navigate the way to their heart. The initiative never rests on the child. We must initiate understanding their needs and knowing their hearts, as Christ constantly pursues ours.
I stay up past my daughter's bedtime braiding her hair that night, then she braids mine before we say goodnight. We chat and weave hearts with the gift of time we lacked during the day. It’s inconvenient when I’m exhausted and she should be asleep, but it’s worth it.
This dance in parenting can be challenging. We will miss the mark at times, but God shows us the way as we seek him. He redeems time and cares more about our children’s hearts than we can comprehend. We only need to turn to him. He is always available.
Today I pray God catches our children where we miss. Yet more importantly, I pray he catches them where we don’t miss—in our embrace, because who better to show them Jesus than the ones who hold their hearts?